Right Here Right Now
by AmyHale
Summary: Set before the show. Addison made Derek come back to her, but things still don't work out. Then, something happens to reunite them for good. Because they're Addison and Derek, after all.


They'd been sitting in the car for a little over four hours, and still no words had come out of their mouths. They had taken _his_ car, because _she_ hated it, and apparently he wanted to punish her for the cheating with every single insignificant thing he could find. Now though, she was about to break down, she could feel tears at the corner of her green eyes, and her throat started to get sore.

"Can we stop somewhere? I need to go to the bathroom." a sob escaped her lips when he ignored her. "Please Derek. I know you hate me but I really need to." she was able to say with a normal voice.

He didn't even glance at her briefly.

"I swear Derek, if you don't stop somewhere in five minutes I get out of the car while you're still driving!" her voice was getting more hysterical now, and she didn't know how long she'd be able to contain the hot tears.

"Fine. Be quick." he said sternly when he saw a service station.

Addison had convinced him to stay, but he said he'd leave if she didn't move to Seattle with him. Those though were the only few words he had said to her since Mark. He wouldn't touch her, nor look at her. He barely stayed in the same room with her. 'It takes time.' he said.

The redhead walked to the bathroom, knelt down and threw up, trying not to dirty her hair. She stood up weakly, cleaning her mouth and drinking some water from the sink.. That's when it got worse. First the sting at her stomach, then the liquid down her thighs.

_No!_, was her last thought before she passed out.

When she woke up, she understood she was in a hospital from the _beeps_ she could hear and the voices around her. She let a little moan come out, but didn't open her eyes and just waited, feeling all her body ache. Then, through all the whispers, she heard Derek's voice and she sat up abruptly.

"Ouch!" she exclaimed, breathing deeply in and out to let the stings pass. A big tear rolled down her left cheek as she remembered what happened. She didn't know she was pregnant, but she was an OB after all and she'd recognized the signs.

"Addison!" she felt her husband's hand on her back, rubbing it slowly as he watched her worried. "Can you tell us what you feel, honey?" his tone was soft, and a little scared. The tone a husband should have in situations like that. And that word. 'Honey'. He'd called her honey, as if they were a happily married couple going on vacation. As if their last kiss had been a few hours earlier, not the previous month.

"I feel..." she whispered, touching her belly. "I feel horrible." she started to sob, covering her face with her hands, shaking. Derek felt as he could hurt her touching her.

"What's hurting more?" another doctor asked gently, walking to the bed.

"My heart." she managed to say. "And my soul. And I can't stop my brain. I want to stop my brain from thinking Derek!"

Derek looked up at the others, asking politely if they could go out. They probably knew he was a doctor too, because they did it. Once they left, he sat beside her on the bed, embracing her shoulders and holding her tight, kissing the top of her head.

"You're not a horrible person." he murmured. "You're not a horrible person." he kept saying that over and over again, whispering in her ear as he rubbed her arm.

Some hours later, she finally calmed down. She and Derek fell into an heavy silence, that none of them wanted to break. When a nurse came in to check on Addison, Derek asked her to leave again. Then, after another while, she decided to talk.

"I'm sorry. Really, really sorry. You have no idea-"

"Addison, stop apologizing." that was it. The harsh tone had come back. He wasn't looking at her, and she wasn't looking at him, but she could still feel the anger raise. "I'm the first one to blame. I-"

"No, wait, what?" she asked surprised, raising her eyes.

"I keep saying you're a bad wife, or an awful person, but I made mistakes, too. I pushed you away, and I ignored you when you needed me, I yelled at you when all you were asking was for me, for your _husband_, to act like I loved you, to be the person you used to be married to. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry, because I blamed you but now I blame myself. It's my fault all this began."

"Der..." she sighed, closing her eyes. She was grateful for his speech, but she still thought what she had done was worse. "I'm the one who's sorry. The one who made the worst mistake. I don't even really know why you're here with me."

"Addison, you've already apologized enough. All you kept saying was you were sorry, that you wanted another chance. I _want_ to give you another chance. I'm aware of the fact that I didn't act like it... but I think we should try."

"Derek, are you saying it because I'm in a hospital bed after a very painful miscarriage?" she asked her last question, praying he wouldn't get angry again. She just needed to know for sure if he loved her.

"Addison, I'm here even after you cheated on me with my best friend, and after you didn't tell me you were pregnant with a baby I'm not sure is mine. If I wanted to leave, I would have had a lot of reasons too. But I'm here, aren't I? I'm where I want to be."

"A baby Derek? Of course it's yours, as I told you with Mark it was just once. You can decide you don't believe me, but it's the truth. And I didn't know I was expecting _your_ baby. I would have told you."

"I just need to know why. After you tell me, I promise we won't ever have to talk about it again." he stroke her hair gently.

"I felt alone." she just said.

"Okay." he nodded his head, and then looked into her eyes. "Look, huh... I'm mad. But... I know I can get over it. I'm sure of this. So... I don't really wanna leave. I don't wanna stay either but, it's your choice. Seattle or New York?"

"You know I love living there." she answered in a small shy voice. "You decide."

"Fine. New York."

"You can't regret it in the future, Der. We have to work this out, and it won't happen if you don't like where we live."

He shook his head. "New York, okay? I want you to be happy. I can't force you to move. I like New York as well, you know, and I promise I'll tell you if it stops being okay."

"You keep saying 'I promise', but will you be able to do all these things?"

"If you're by my side, I'll do my best to keep them all." he assured her, standing up. "There will be one day when we'll forgive each other completely, and we will be happy. One day, we'll have a son and a daughter and the imagine of you and Mark together will go away forever from my mind. I might even be able to forgive him too, and to enter our bedroom without feeling pain. And you'll forget I've been absent at some point of our marriage, because I won't ever do that again. One day, we'll fight for stupid things like who'll have go to the supermarket or who'll decided the movie to watch on TV, and you'll complain about me fishing and I'll complain about your shoes. One day, little by little, we'll get there, we'll do these little things again."

She placed her hands in his, smiling slightly. "The little things every couple does. The apparently insignificant things that somehow matter."

"Yeah." he leaned over and kissed her. That was their beginning.


End file.
